I started my blog a little over a year ago, and I was so proud of it. I have been so proud of it. When I started, I felt I had something to share. I felt I had things to give.
When I started this blog, I felt like I was allowed to be vulnerable. I felt like I was learning so much, and I was enjoying the early days of marriage so much. It was hard, but I was learning.
The past few months, I have felt drained. I have felt stifled. I have felt deep sorrow. I simply don’t feel like I have as much to say anymore.
This blog has strayed from my original intent for many reasons, and many painful things have happened this year. Because I feel like I can’t write about the things that have happened (and what is truly going on with me), every post feels trivial. I don’t want this to be a food blog… that’s not why people used to read. I don’t want this to be a complaining session… that’s not why people used to read. I’m no longer writing from my heart, because my heart is covered in bruises. I’m no longer writing with hope, I’m trying to get through each day. I’m struggling. If I was only struggling with depression, I would write about it. But I’m not just struggling with depression… I’m struggling with so much more.
I have been so grieved in relationships, distant friendships, our housing situation, strain on my marriage, and I don’t know if I can/how to write about it.
Maybe one day I will find my voice again…. but right now I am spending so much time listening to the Lord. I am listening to people trying to build me up and encourage me in scripture. I am trying to find that joy.
I have considered (and am still considering) taking a break from blogging. I desperately want to share what we have been going through, but I am still trying to figure out what that looks like.
Bear with me.