A Big Summer For the Cornelissens

Friends, the last few months have been packed full of crazy changes. I have been meaning to sit down and get back into blogging, but stuff just kept happening! So here’s a whirl-wind update on our summer. ūüôā

May was a BIG month.
My parents celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary and went to Ireland for a few weeks, so we visited my brother Andrew in Columbia and celebrated his 18th birthday at Carowinds. What a blast! A week later, Josh graduated with his M-Div from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, and started a full-time job at CarMax! He is working as a sales consultant, and frankly crushing it.
Aaron moved out! He is adulting like a boss, working 2-3 jobs, paying his bills, making meals, and we are so excited with him and proud of him.
We bought a car for Josh, because Aaron is using the Explorer. ūüôā We got a Nissan Versa from a motivated seller on Craig’s List, in our price range, and with crazy low miles.
I researched and prayed and decided to sign up with LuLaRoe. At the time, I thought it would be good to have something to keep me busy in the evenings and the weekends, because Josh’s work schedule requires a lot of evening and weekend hours at work. I was working full-time in May, but Josh knew I couldn’t shake the idea of starting my own LuLaRoe business. So the day he graduated, I submitted my on boarding paperwork.
ALSO in May we bought our first brand-spanking-new major appliance, a dryer. This may not sound exciting, but I could not have been MORE excited. Long story short, we have paid ridiculous power bills this year because a bird made a nest in our exterior dryer vent, and our dryer was running for hours without drying the clothes. Once we fixed the bird issue, we realized the dryer was just dead and we could keep paying ridiculous bills or bite the bullet and buy a new dryer. Obviously we bought a new one, and we haven’t doubted the decision once! (Also our power bill is HUNDREDS of dollars lower each month. Isn’t that insane?!)
I think was in June… but it might have been May… we took a short trip to Charlotte and hit Ikea for some LuLaRoe supplies and ended up meeting my parents for dinner! It was a great time away, even though it was short.

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June was frankly a month of struggle. Josh and I were both working full-time, and I cried a lot. Our schedules completely collided and my love cup was completely dry. I was gone from 7-5:30 everyday, and Josh was working mostly from 12-9 every night. By the time he got home it was 9:30 or 10, and I had fallen asleep because I had to get up early the next day for work. We agonized over what to do, and finally decided that the best decision was for me to quit my full-time job.
Growing up, my mom would always ask “What’s the goal?” Josh and I had a lot of conversations, serious conversations, over g-chat while we were both at work, because there wasn’t time to actually sit down and have a conversation. I felt so strongly that the goal of this season- just being married without anyone living in our house and before we have kids- is to focus on our marriage and make sure we are the strongest we can be. Secondary goals are to pay off Josh’s student loans and to gain direction for future ministry… but if our marriage isn’t strong, we won’t be able to accomplish much. Ultimately, we decided that both of us working full time may accomplish paying off the loans at a faster rate, but we might accomplish it at the cost of quality time and the ability to strengthen our marriage.20160725_085847

July was a month of endings and beginnings. Josh finished training at CarMax, I concluded my employment at my office job, and I got the call from LuLaRoe to order my initial inventory! We got to spend a long weekend with the Gilmores, and the dream of me spending more time at home because a reality. august

August was a month of excitement. The first week I was home, not working full-time anymore, Andrew came to spend the week with us. We did a lot of fun stuff, but we spent the most time playing Pokemon Go. ūüôā In the middle of his visit, my initial inventory arrived! At the very end of his visit, he bought his first car. Josh was able to find the perfect vehicle, in Andrew’s budget. Isn’t that insane? When did he get old enough to buy a car?!?!?!
A week and a half later, I had my official business launch. It was what I hoped! I had several friends come to my in-home launch and fall in love with the clothes the same way I did. It was such a joy to see the giant smiles on their faces, and you could tell how amazing they felt about themselves.

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Right now, I am loving the flexibility of my schedule. I’m establishing new routines and habits to take better care of myself and our home and enjoying the experience of owning my own business. Most of all, I’m thankful for Josh! He has been so supportive of my desire to spend more time at home, to pursue the dream of owning this business, and encouraged me to push outside of my comfort zone. I’m not sure what the next few months hold, but I am sure that we made a great decision putting our marriage first.

I have weekly LuLaRoe sales in my Facebook group (facebook.com/groups/lularoedeborahc) and THIS weekend I have an exciting multi-consultant sale! I’d love to see you there. It’s a great opportunity to try all the clothes on and get your sizes, as well as to see other styles I don’t carry yet. ūüôā Here are the details!
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Managing Expectations

Last night I looked down at the beverage I was holding and just kind of chuckled. Seminary life is a strange, strange time… full of things I never expected and the gender stereotypes¬†have been reversed. For instance,¬†I’m the one that comes home from a long day and wants a beer.¬†I have rarely do dishes, grocery shopping, or clean the bathroom.¬†In fact Josh does a lot of chores for me while I’m at work so that when we’re both home we can spend time together.

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It all feels backwards and it’s been hard for me to let go of all the things I’m¬†supposed to do. I used to¬†think¬†that when I got married maybe I’d have a part time job, but that my main job would be taking care of our house… the floors would never be in dire need of mopping, the dust would not be out of control, the sink would be perpetually emptied of dirty dishes, and the counters ever clean and wiped down. Isn’t that a nice dream?
The reality is that I rise before the sun and I spend¬†10 1/2 hours out of the house each day… and in that time, there are other humans, with other standards of cleanliness, in my house. Yet, I still inwardly hold myself to that standard of cleanliness and when it’s not met, I feel like I’m not doing enough. WHY IS THAT? Am I comparing myself to other wives I know?¬†Is it a fair comparison? (The answer is no, because it’s not fair to compare.)

I spoke some truth to a friend yesterday, and the truth is that I desperately needed to hear it for myself. The person you’re comparing yourself to isn’t perfect. In fact, they have sins that Jesus needed to die for… just like me.
Ironically, I’m finally learning to recognize the lists I make of things I should be doing just as we’re about to make more transitions out of seminary life, and into both of us working full time. I’m sure the amount of grace we’re giving each other will only need to be increased as Josh won’t have free days to get chores done. Just as I’m becoming aware of the unrealistic lists I’m making for myself, I need to be mindful of the list of “shoulds” I’m making for my husband. I can either be thankful for the things he is able to accomplish, or resent him for the things he can’t. I think the right choice is obvious, but often difficult to make. I pray I’m actively aware of this, and avoid hurting the one I love.

Last night, after a long day of work, a long walk by myself, and time spent¬†in serving others, I didn’t list the things “I should be doing”… I rested and enjoyed that beer (and Grey’s Anatomy). Maybe the counters needed to be wiped, maybe I should have vacuumed our room- instead, I was grateful for the life we have, a husband that serves, and the freedom to say “this is all I can do today.”

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Here Comes the Sun

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Date Night. Bread Ventures. Sewing Project.

The past two weeks have been super rainy, which I love, but we totally reached the cabin fever stage. I’ve been struggling to sleep at night, and I KNEW it was because I needed to get outside and walk. Conveniently, last Wednesday was date night AND the sun was shining. Josh and I decided to take full advantage of the clear skies, and walked to downtown Wake Forest (it’s about a mile one-way) to try a new burger shop last Wednesday for date night. It’s been a while since we tried new restaurants… so trying two new places, two weeks in a row has been a blast! Our review is that the Burger Shop is not Five Guys…. but we like it. ¬†The closest Five Guys is about 25 or 30 minutes away! So, considering that… it was REALLY good. ūüôā ¬†It won’t be a really be an option¬†in Winter, as there are only about 10 seats inside, but it was perfect last night, sitting outside.

We took our time enjoying dinner, sitting downtown, and catching up on each other’s days. After our burgers had a chance to settle, we walked down to my favorite local ice cream place, Lumpy’s. Josh got Honey ice cream (so good) and I got chocolate with salted caramel (which was mind-blowingly amazing). I can’t even express how much fun it was to be walking with my sweetheart, ice cream cones in hand, laughing and talking and just enjoying each other’s company. It was the best.

This past weekend was a quiet, but busy one. I am almost done with a baby blanket, and I’ve been working on things for the craft sale. I also used my bread machine for the first time and made Italian Herb french bread. The bread machine has a delay start programming function, which I feel like I am going to really enjoy this winter, coupled with the use of my crock pot timer for soup! My homemade laundry detergent is the bomb… so I’m pretty stoked about that too!
On Saturday, I made Pumpkin Cheesecake for girls night… both the cheesecake and girls night were successes… we made pizza, did some painting, lots of talking, and enjoyed cheesecake. I’ve been so blessed by these girls… some I have know for over a year, and some I have known for just a few weeks.

Josh and I are getting a lot of questions along the lines of “what’s next?” since he is graduating in May. I feel like I’ve always had an idea of what is next… and right now we don’t. What is “next” is just paying off student loans, helping Aaron meet his goals and get independent, and praying about the next step. We came to seminary for Josh to get an education, and we have learned a TON together in the last (almost) 2 years. I see our hearts growing for the church, I see our natural giftings¬†being developed, I see us being challenged and stretched. I see so many good things… but we don’t have a clear direction of “what” or “where” is next. I’m¬†really¬†trying to be ok with this. It feels like I’m disappointing people saying that we don’t have a next step. It feels like we¬†should know. So, I’m trying to learn to take these thoughts captive and not dwell on impressing others or gaining their approval, but pleasing the Lord-and I firmly believe that we are honoring Him by seeking him and trusting that He will guide us.

Meanwhile, my home-town (Columbia) has been submersed by the flood. My favorite park, Riverfront, has been more of a river. I’m very thankful that my family was not caught in the flood, and that they/the house are ok. However, seeing all the damage to my hometown, hearing about the orphans/widows, etc at church on Sunday, and hearing needs of my family/friends has left me feeling very overwhelmed. I’m left feeling that the things I’m doing aren’t enough… yet, I don’t know how I could possibly do more in this season. I reached out to my friends yesterday and expressed this, and they absolutely overwhelmed me with encouragement. Not only that I am using my time/resources well, but that if I look around at all the chaos, I will feel chaotic: I need to fix my eyes on the Lord.

Now, I’m praying that my brother is going to be able to make it out of Columbia on Friday to spend the weekend for us. I’m trying to kick things into gear for the craft sale, and I’m trying to figure out how I am going to survive November, being gone/busy every single weekend– I get so much done on Saturdays, I don’t know what I am going to do without five of them!

 

Dear Josh,

I am very very very happy that the sun is coming out, and that we can go on more walks! I’m looking forward to the days of homemade soup and grilled cheese, and spending time with so many friends/family in November (even if I am a little overwhelmed thinking about it). So this weekend I will have to exercise my creativity coming up with a meal plan for the next few weeks, and maybe making some meals ahead of time. Excited to brainstorm together, and figure out how to make all these crazy plans work. ūüėÄ

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“Legal Address”

Last night I hit a new low in this process. Josh and I were filling out forms to enroll in my company’s 401k plan (which seems crazy since we just found out we’re moving and we may have an increase in rent but moving on), and I literally broke down sobbing because it asked for my legal address.
I’m homeless!
Have I mentioned that I am like insanely sleep deprived? Every time I sleep I have nightmares. This morning, my alarm went off as I was getting kidnapped.

I know that a lot of this stress is because we have gotten DAILY emails from our current landlady asking for our plans, and our timetable. I mean… it hasn’t been a week. Part of it is because I am so annoyed that people would be upset at me and not even talk to me about it. Part of it is because I had finally hung all my pictures and finally accepted the bathtub drain will always be slow, and the kitchen will never grow.

I have really thrown myself into this packing/purging process, and I think it’s good. It is also tricky because for some reason I dismantled my spice racks, and that made seasoning our pasta sauce tricky last night. Speaking of- we had spaghetti last night. The sauce was so chock full of veggies (zucchini, onion, green pepper) and sausage it was like a dream. There is something so simple and so delicious about spaghetti.

Weekend plans? Going through more closets, drawers, cabinets, etc and purging. Packing. Trying to calm the heck down. Searching for newly posted rental homes. Downton Abbey with Aaron. At least one margarita. Maybe a girls night. Definitely sleeping. Also, missing Josh- he’s going to Baltimore for a soccer thing.

Tonight we’re going to call and see where we are in the process with the apartment we looked at. Obviously I’m struggling with this process, and I am discouraged that there are so few options. I know we’re¬†not homeless, and I know that we¬†do have the right to stay here for now. We’re not going to be thrown on the street…. but it feels like it. I’m trying to speak truth to myself, though I’m struggling to hear and believe it.

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Hooray!

This week has been so busy, and several things have been resolved. I’m happy to be back to blogging… I have loved talking about Disney, but it helps me to write through things and count my blessings.

We have a weekly meeting every Monday morning. During the meeting this week, we had a company come and wash/detail clean the company fleet of vehicles. My boss¬†graciously offered to include¬†mine, and let me tell you it is so clean it’s like an OCD paradise. I told Josh I would MUCH rather have my car detailed than get a pedicure. (I’m not kidding.) Hooray for a clean car!

My work computer was worked on, and I can now do my job in about half the time and with half the frustration. Turns out I was operating with half the amount of RAM I needed… maybe that means something to you… I just know my computer works now. ūüôā Hooray for a computer that works!

Josh called the Geek Squad and found out they would charge us $200 to fix the laptop, and it was something Josh could do with a little bit of time. He sacrificed so much time to fix it, and I’m so thankful that he is gifted in that area…¬†since I am severely lacking in the technological area. Hooray for saved money!

I got a raise, out of the blue! I was not expecting it, I did not ask for it, but they felt I deserved it. Over the last year at this job, I have gotten three raises and taken on an insane amount of responsibility. I was told that I am a crucial part of the team, appreciated, and loved. Working in an office full of men is fairly drama-free, but they are also pretty light on the “thank-yous” and appreciation. I needed that encouragement, just to know that they value me as part of the team, and recognize how much work I am putting in. And, I was humbled because that morning I was laying in bed whining “can I stay home today?” HOORAY FOR A RAISE AND FOR ENCOURAGEMENT!

PLUS we had dinner at PDQ for free (blogger perks!). It was soo good. We zipped through the drive through, brought it home and devoured it while we watched The West Wing, and then The Office. We watched the Valentines Day episode, and then the episode when Dwight gives a speech. I was almost on the floor I was laughing so hard!!! Hooray for free food. ūüôā

I find it very tempting to focus on all the negatives… early meetings, long days, frustrating communication, uncertain future plans, limited time with my husband, shopping budgets that I must follow and soon it becomes difficult to view the positives.
I am able to serve my family by working. My job provides enough money to meet our needs and some of our wants (I can buy clothes but not ALL the clothes!), plus I am putting Josh through school (both in the present, and retroactively in the form of student loans). I don’t work because I want to, but this is a significant way I get to serve my family right now.
Maybe one day I will be a full time mommy, wanting to escape the chaos of my children. Maybe I will wish I could leave the office at 5pm every day. So right now, I will pray for clarity to see the blessings. it is easier to train myself to see blessings today, when the daily challenges do not involve projectile vomit or dirty diapers.

Unfortunately I feel my words are failing. I don’t know how to adequately describe what I am thinking and feeling… so I will simply say that I am seeking to be content in my circumstances. I’m trying not to look forward to the joys of motherhood I so long for, seeking joy in a season I have not yet reached. I’m trying to view my job as a blessing, as my husband does. I’m trying to adjust my attitude. I’m learning these adjustments don’t need to be massive… the adjustments may be in the form of small tweaks throughout the day. Like this blog post: it’s a tweak.

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Dear Josh,

Thanks for helping me count my blessings, see my purpose, and see the cup half-full. I’m so excited about the encouragement I got at work, and for the new things I’m learning. I am excited about the visits we’re planning for the summer, the things we want to do, and the memories we’ll make. Throughout it all, let’s keep counting our blessings. I always start by thanking God for you… so glad I get to be your wife.

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I Struggle With Forward Motion*

Getting behind and catching back up again… this has been the story of my week. I have struggled to keep up, and found it impossible to get ahead. We’re leaving for vacation in 8 days.
8. DAYS.

In the last week, a lot has happened. In the last week, there have been a lot of changes, tears, opportunities, and excitement. In the last week, I have struggled to keep up… and that’s not such a bad thing.¬†My attitude has been the bad thing… sub-par doesn’t even begin to describe.¬†I have been so frustrated at the state of my house… and my lack of control over it. Frustrated that my knees are burning again from walking in place.

This weekend holds a lengthy to-do list. Several meals to prepare, bread to bake, salsa to blend, rooms to clean, things to pack, clothes to wash, a baby blanket to finish. I feel defeated and I have not even begun.

This week has held so much good… getting together with friends, date nights, buying the groceries we need, washing the clothes that we have, packing nutritious lunches… how does that so quickly fade into the background? Why is it so easy to recount the disappointments and frustrations? I’ve been struggling this week… especially to write. I deleted about 5 started posts because I didn’t know what to say. So, here’s the truth: I’m struggling.¬†This week, I didn’t/don’t want to serve the people living in my house. This week things have seemed so¬†unfair. I have taken out frustration by walking, and now my knees are screaming… so I am left sitting in God’s presence, asking Him to fix my attitude and to mend my heart.

How much time have I wasted complaining or crying this week? Have you done the same? Let’s make a different choice moving forward (or sitting still as I am temporarily forced to do).

So there’s the classic Deborah processing. This week has been so very full. Full of talks about the future, and Josh is applying for a job that would be double the pay… and give him some serious ammo for future employment. Right now, Josh is wrapping up his semester and is a little bogged down in papers and studying for exams. I know he will pass with flying colors, but I also TOTALLY get the stress of semester ending.
We visited my family last weekend, which was so refreshing and fun. My mom is one of my favorite people in this world… and I got to spend so much time with her. (And we made mango margaritas… which are my favorite!) One of the most exciting things about the weekend was getting to see my brother in his high school production, Grease! He didn’t have a major role, but it was so fun seeing him enjoy the experience, and talk about it.
My dream of getting my Master’s degree has been rekindled, which is exciting and terrifying, and we’re exploring options. I wouldn’t start a program anytime soon (probably 2 years out), but it’s still exciting.
At work, I am trying to get ahead so that nothing falls through the cracks while I’m on vacation. That involves MANY invoices to be processed (both from vendors, and to customers), billing documents to be prepared, bills to be paid, and office supplies to be stocked. This week is going to be a marathon of nursery duty, providing meals, babysitting, and packing… but at the end of that (and a 9-10 hour drive), we get to be at Mickey’s house.

I am now a member¬†of Carolina Blogging! Check it out the new website, which just launched today!!! Also, don’t forget that I have a page on Facebook for my blog now… you can stop by and “like” it, and request to receive notifications so you never miss a post.

¬†*Blog title is referencing “Forward Motion” by Relient K… find¬†it¬†here.

Dear Josh,

This week has held so much, and I’m left feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. I’m sorry for the ways I’ve hurt you through my words and frustration. Thank you for doing all the shopping for this week, and for our vacation. I’m so thankful for the ways you have served me this week- shopping, cleaning,¬†preparing lunches, and all the other things you do that I fail to thank you for. Can’t wait for Disney.

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It’s ok.

The Cornelissens are so desperately thankful for the¬†rain. We are totally over the pollen thing… we would like to be able to breathe, see, walk outside, and even sleep through the night.

I won some small house battles (not arguments with people in my house, but tasks that have seemed to daunt me) this weekend- I got rid of that pile of laundry, I cooked for my family, I hung up pictures (about time), and got rid of clutter. Honestly, this weekend was an emotionally tough one. We have been really praying and wrestling through some future decisions, and I have been struggling.

One of the main things I’m struggling with is feeling like I give, give, give (my family, my growth group, at work) and I don’t have someone pouring back into me. So instead of continuing to feel hopeless and alone, I reached out and asked one of our pastors for some help. I desperately need to meet with someone who has been where I am, and can help me walk through this season. And it’s OK to admit that I need that… since I’ve reached out¬†I’ve been affirmed by multiple parties that it’s GOOD. It’s also humbling.

My crochet project is coming along very nicely! I used up the entire ball of yarn, and learned how to add a new ball (thanks, Google)… and Michael’s has had 50% coupons this week… so I have been stopping by every day to get a $1.70 ball of yarn (we calculated that one ball of yarn occupies me for about 9-10 hours, so that’s entertainment for $0.15-0.18 per hour).

The only other headline for this week is “BREAKING NEW: DEBORAH HAS KEPT HER ROOM CLEAN FOR THREE DAYS IN A ROW.”

Tonight is date night, and I’m looking forward to just spending time with Josh. We have planned an evening of Chili’s, an errand, and some baking, which is fairly relaxed because this weekend is shaping up to be a fairly social one. Josh’s family is going to be stopping in this weekend for a short visit, which we’re really looking forward to! But no matter how much we love anyone visiting, it takes energy, and I think we’re really recognizing the value of resting together.¬†I’m hoping tonight proves to be relaxing as we soak up some quality time together.

 

Dear Josh,

I am so thankful for your encouragement and affirmation over the last couple of weeks. I know it has been really hard- but it is so freeing to know that you’re not going to be frustrated with me for limiting our plans or for having simple plans because it’s the best thing for my own health. There is no way I could be more excited about spending this evening with you. Hopefully this afternoon goes by swiftly.

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Like a Shepherd

IT IS FRIDAY. I never realize how badly I need a weekend until I do something stupid at work… my dumb mistakes always happen on Fridays… not adding the deposit up correctly, putting the wrong dates on things, or (as was the case this morning) sending a service ticket with the description “Atntyue” to every person (all 9) in our company plus the customer. OBVIOUSLY I WAS NOT ON MY GAME.

Sigh.

So yes, I am excited about a weekend. As I just told my husband, I am super excited about doing things around the house…¬†maybe I read too many blogs by pregnant women, and have too many pregnant friends… but I need to clean everything. Seriously. The other day I FINALLY dusted the base boards because it was driving me insane. Thinking about a morning of dusting, vacuuming, and scrubbing strangely warms my heart. (PS I don’t know who I am anymore.)

Our weekend plans? If you hadn’t gathered, some cleaning is on the docket. Otherwise, pretty sure there is some West Wing, Downton, and The Office in our weekend.

Our date night on Wednesday was really fun! We enjoyed dinner at Red Robin and got some productive shopping done. (Finally, I think I have shorts that I like!) I am so excited about simple things right now… last night we had dinner together, I did laundry, watched American Idol and worked on my crochet. Simple, yet I had so much fun. Maybe I have been enjoying these little things because we have been looking forward, and trying to plan… and, frankly it is overwhelming. It’s hard to say “in 5 years, we’ll do this…” because¬†I don’t feel ready.¬†In 5 years, I probably will… but last night I just needed clean socks.

As I told my wonderful friend Elise who I desperately wish I lived next door to, we’re making plans with open hands. I thought I wanted my Master’s (ehh I’d rather have kids), I thought we had the 5 year plan to focus on just the two of us (but Aaron is living with us), and I thought we would have everything figured out (not. even. the. foggiest.). Plans change, but God leads. There is no doubt in my mind that we are where we’re supposed to be, and that we’re doing what we’re supposed to be doing. One of the¬†greatest comforts, to me, is that God knows and holds our hearts. He knows our deepest desires, and is not a fickle boy who may break the heart He holds in His hands, but He is a loving shepherd that leads us.

Jesus, like a shepherd lead us; much we need thy tender care.

These are things I’ve been thinking. There is joy in the laundry, for right now that means an evening of leisure and relaxation because¬†I don’t have mountains of it. I have small loads but I anticipate the days when there will be mountains, because that will mean there are more laundry makers under my care (hopefully they will have dimples and blue eyes like me). Today, I spend my working days in the office instead of the home, but it serves a purpose. It is where my shepherd has led me, though I often struggle to appreciate it.

[For the record, THIS is why I need to write. I just made sense of everything and connected all the dots through typing.]

 

Dear Josh,

I am thankful for our little home. I’m thankful for the ways it has been used to bless others, and I’m thankful we have a policy of an open door and open hands. We have learned so much in the last year about making plans as they crumbled apart after a terrible job, a totaled car, and a debilitating virus.
I’m thankful for the job I have that allows us to do all the things we do- which is a lot. Traveling, paying loans, hosting friends and family, and supporting Aaron’s growth. As we were reflecting yesterday, we have come so far in the past 3 years of knowing each other, and I’m excited to see where we will be in 3 more years. ūüôā ¬†Meanwhile, we will enjoy fine dining of Mexican chicken and rice, and enjoy fine entertainment (The Office). Before we know it, these simple days spent together will turn into years we have spent together and I intend to enjoy each moment.
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Taking Stock 01

As expected, we had a wonderful date. We went to Panera, and I was quite impressed. I got the pick 2 deal- a half chicken cobb salad with avocado and a half turkey and avocado BLT. Wonderful, wonderful! We had a really good talk about the future, and what our options are.

Right now it’s looking like the PhD, but we’re praying through it and considering all the options. It was really good to talk it out… and we processed a lot of feelings/fears/expectations we hadn’t discussed before. Even in the midst of such uncertainty, and even though tears came out of my eyes voluntarily, I’m so confident that we will be exactly where we are supposed to be. I am not worried about “missing” what God has for us… I’m just struggling to trust/understand His timing.

Next, we went to Target to do the return which should have been a completely painless experience, but I just have to be real… shopping is a little hard for me right now. Just when I feel like I’ve made a break through in confidence, I have a little attack of insecurity.

We¬†hit Sonic on the way home for a small treat. My husband- have I mentioned he’s the best?- watched American Idol with me. And, we were both sound asleep by 10:30. No, it was not the most action-packed date night. We ate healthy food, had tough conversations, ran an errand, and ended up on the couch. Maybe this makes us old, but this was so much more romantic than a fancy dinner or a grand adventure. My husband listened to my deepest fears and concerns, ¬†he didn’t chide me for being afraid or for crying. He was not frustrated I wasn’t more energetic. He was just¬†there.

One of my favorite bloggers, Keira, does a Taking Stock post every once in a while. I thought it could be fun, and a good way to check in! So here it goes.

Making: sweet and sour chicken in the crock-pot, and stir fry when I get home.
Cooking: up a plan to get my house under control.
Drinking: water. SO MUCH WATER. I have been flavoring it with lemon juice or cranberry juice.
Reading: “One Last Thing” by Rebecca St. James and Nancy Rue… and I’m not rushing. I am enjoying it too much!
Wanting: to be completely and totally content.
Playing: Carcassone on my Kindle. All the time.
Wishing: the weekends were longer.
Enjoying: Norah Jones on Spotify.
Waiting:¬†for 4 o’clock (worked through lunch so I’m leaving early).
Liking:¬†the furniture we got for the back porch. It is so perfect, and I’m glad we get to enjoy our little outdoor space!
Wondering: how long a double batch of pancakes will feed the guys.
Loving: my new rainbow flips flops. They are so comfortable (now that they are broken in) and such a safe solution- no more slipping and sliding in my sandals! ūüôā
Marveling:¬†at how fast the grass is turning green, and how fast the flowers are popping up. Wasn’t there just snow on the ground?
Needing: some quality time with my sewing machine.
Smelling: Bath & Body Works Paris Amour.
Wearing: my favorite jeans and a long sleeve shirt with a colorful scarf. It’s casual Friday, AND FREEZING!
Thinking: about the job I had this time last year, and how miserable I was! I’m so thankful for God’s provision.
Knowing:¬†I have a Saturday morning date with my love. I’m super excited about going out for breakfast, hitting a yard sale, and enjoying some madness!
Opening: my own closet to shop for my Easter dress.
Giggling: at the show Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.
Feeling:¬†the need to make something pretty. I think I’m going to re-work my mantle decorations and make it more springy!

 

Dear Josh,
I am coming home to you very shortly, via Dollar Tree, Michael’s, and Old Navy. I’m really excited about spending a weekend with you… and concentrating some more time just us. This work week has been long and tiring… and I’m so ready for some rest with you. And to really destroy your bracket (let’s be honest).

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