I Struggle With Forward Motion*

Getting behind and catching back up again… this has been the story of my week. I have struggled to keep up, and found it impossible to get ahead. We’re leaving for vacation in 8 days.
8. DAYS.

In the last week, a lot has happened. In the last week, there have been a lot of changes, tears, opportunities, and excitement. In the last week, I have struggled to keep up… and that’s not such a bad thing. My attitude has been the bad thing… sub-par doesn’t even begin to describe. I have been so frustrated at the state of my house… and my lack of control over it. Frustrated that my knees are burning again from walking in place.

This weekend holds a lengthy to-do list. Several meals to prepare, bread to bake, salsa to blend, rooms to clean, things to pack, clothes to wash, a baby blanket to finish. I feel defeated and I have not even begun.

This week has held so much good… getting together with friends, date nights, buying the groceries we need, washing the clothes that we have, packing nutritious lunches… how does that so quickly fade into the background? Why is it so easy to recount the disappointments and frustrations? I’ve been struggling this week… especially to write. I deleted about 5 started posts because I didn’t know what to say. So, here’s the truth: I’m struggling. This week, I didn’t/don’t want to serve the people living in my house. This week things have seemed so unfair. I have taken out frustration by walking, and now my knees are screaming… so I am left sitting in God’s presence, asking Him to fix my attitude and to mend my heart.

How much time have I wasted complaining or crying this week? Have you done the same? Let’s make a different choice moving forward (or sitting still as I am temporarily forced to do).

So there’s the classic Deborah processing. This week has been so very full. Full of talks about the future, and Josh is applying for a job that would be double the pay… and give him some serious ammo for future employment. Right now, Josh is wrapping up his semester and is a little bogged down in papers and studying for exams. I know he will pass with flying colors, but I also TOTALLY get the stress of semester ending.
We visited my family last weekend, which was so refreshing and fun. My mom is one of my favorite people in this world… and I got to spend so much time with her. (And we made mango margaritas… which are my favorite!) One of the most exciting things about the weekend was getting to see my brother in his high school production, Grease! He didn’t have a major role, but it was so fun seeing him enjoy the experience, and talk about it.
My dream of getting my Master’s degree has been rekindled, which is exciting and terrifying, and we’re exploring options. I wouldn’t start a program anytime soon (probably 2 years out), but it’s still exciting.
At work, I am trying to get ahead so that nothing falls through the cracks while I’m on vacation. That involves MANY invoices to be processed (both from vendors, and to customers), billing documents to be prepared, bills to be paid, and office supplies to be stocked. This week is going to be a marathon of nursery duty, providing meals, babysitting, and packing… but at the end of that (and a 9-10 hour drive), we get to be at Mickey’s house.

I am now a member of Carolina Blogging! Check it out the new website, which just launched today!!! Also, don’t forget that I have a page on Facebook for my blog now… you can stop by and “like” it, and request to receive notifications so you never miss a post.

 *Blog title is referencing “Forward Motion” by Relient K… find it here.

Dear Josh,

This week has held so much, and I’m left feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. I’m sorry for the ways I’ve hurt you through my words and frustration. Thank you for doing all the shopping for this week, and for our vacation. I’m so thankful for the ways you have served me this week- shopping, cleaning, preparing lunches, and all the other things you do that I fail to thank you for. Can’t wait for Disney.

signature.bird

 

A Time for the Doctor’s Office…

Oh Wednesday, blessed Wednesday, the last work day before Thanksgiving, has finally arrived.

Monday, I got home to the smell of barbecue sauce (a good thing, since I asked Josh to stick dinner in the crock pot). As I got into comfy clothes, I heard an “uh-oh” from the kitchen. I walked in and discovered some very very very charred pieces of chicken and very very very burnt barbecue sauce. This, logically, resulted in a tearful meltdown on my part. Why? I didn’t make dinner. I didn’t burn it. But it was this nice meal I had imagined… our only alternative to frozen pizza. Instead we got Moes. After all, it was Monday. It was coupled with Parks and Rec, and followed with the making of Pumpkin Cheesecake, my contribution to the Crutchfield Thanksgiving. It’s funny, we haven’t really had many meal flops in our marriage… I tried Brie soup when we were engaged (it was awful), and I’ve failed bread on several occasions. I think I was crying because I WANT to be home, making meals but I just haven’t been home long enough to meal plan, shop, and cook. There will be cooking in December.

Tuesday, I woke up at 4 am. Unable to breathe well, and coughing uncontrollably. Actually let’s not go into the details… let’s just say it was gross, I still feel gross, and I need to go to the doctor. Somehow, after waking up at 4 am, I worked a whole day non stop… so I worked about 9 hours. Let’s not mention that to HR, ok? Honestly, I’m really glad I did. I got a ton done, and I made a doctor’s appointment for Wednesday afternoon. If I hadn’t worked like a mad woman, I would have had to use PTO to go to the doctor… now I don’t have to. I had to skip Growth Group, and stayed home laying around getting some much needed rest and sleep.

Today, I am leaving early to start my Thanksgiving holiday at the doctor’s office. I’ve had this cough and congestion for over a week, and it’s kind of a big deal being so sick since I just had Mono. Honestly, I’m not terribly surprised. I feel like I’m usually sick at Thanksgiving. Whether this is true or not, I’m not sure… but it feels true.
Tomorrow morning, we’re heading to Columbia! I can’t wait to see my family; it’s been 2 and 1/2 months! (Which means I’ve been sick for over 2 and 1/2 months, on a depressing note.)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Due to the holiday, I will not be blogging on Friday. Tune in Monday!

turkey
This turkey is relevant because every year my family names the turkey after someone we disliked this year. This year the turkey is named after my previous employer.

 

Dear Josh,
I am so so so excited to go to Columbia with you! There will be no burnt chicken (I’m really not mad at you), but lots of laughter and time with some of our favorite people on the planet. Thanks for taking care of me, and assuring me it’s not my fault that I’ve had to go to the doctor so much recently. I’m really looking forward to being healthy again… I know you want a healthy wife too.
To sum it up: I’m thankful for you. Happy Thanksgiving, love.

Love, Mrs. Cornelissen

New Life

I have never been good at journaling. I have a huge box of journals I’ve started and never finished.

THIS BLOG HAS BECOME ONE OF THOSE JOURNALS. 

[But, this one isn’t taking up any shelf space.]

 

The beauty of this blog (that no one knew about) is that I have a fresh beginning, since I just moved it from “private” to “public.” Welcome! I hope to make this my cozy little corner of the internet that documents the journey of our life… together. What’s the purpose? Primarily, for me to be able to record my memories in one place. Secondarily, for those I love- but don’t live near- to get a glimpse of our lives.

I hope our journey reflects how much FUN we have together.

I hope this blog reflects how much we LOVE each other.

I hope you see Jesus in us.

And be patient if this blog gets a little dusty.

4Love,

Mrs. Cornelissen

 

“Have I mention…

“Have I mentioned I like you more than anyone else in the world?
As much as I enjoy Christmas with my family, I am looking forward to next Christmas even more. You are an amazing gift from God, and I treasure the fact that we will be together forever.
Just a sappy thought from your boy Josh”

The Hobbit, Christmas Parting, ONE YEAR!!!!!!!!!

The week after finals was pretty hit and miss. We both worked a lot… we hung out on Tuesday, made lunch together and had dinner and watched some How I Met Your Mother. I made a Blueberry Breakfast Cake— it was SO good and I will definitely be making it again. At dinner, we talked about our favorite Christmas traditions and decided what we want Christmas to look like with OUR family. We’re going to rotate families for Thanksgiving & Christmas while it’s just us– but when we have kids we’re going to be home for Christmas. I loved talking with you about our future and our kids. It is so scary to me, but there is no one else I would rather have a family and raise children with. You are going to be such an awesome father.

Thursday, you left for Virginia to spend Christmas with your family. BUT before you left, we went and saw The Hobbit! It was so much fun!!! And we had lunch at Chickfila and then went to the library downtown. I was mad because you got The Dark Knight Rises to watch at home with your family… I got you a box set of the Batman trilogy for Christmas. I hope you love it. Before you left, you covered me in kisses. I love your kisses.

After you left, I was pretty bummed… so I watched a movie and searched Pinterest. I designed possible layouts for our bedroom next year, and pinned recipes for making my own dish & laundry detergent, and tons of decoration and cleaning tips. I am so excited about making a home with you.

I like these pieces. My Starry Night painting over the bed... love these curtains... and love the bed spread... but I would paint the night stands.
I like these pieces. My Starry Night painting over the bed… love these curtains… and love the bed spread… but I would paint the night stands. I like the idea of using as much stuff as we can that we already have– and thrifting to find the rest.
Option 1!
Option 1!
Option 2!
Option 2! I think I like this one more… but we’ll see!

Ummm also… WE’RE GETTING MARRIED IN ONE YEAR. I AM SO EXCITED.

Christmas Break!

This week has been really crazy. It’s finals week. I moved home, and you have been finishing your courses… basically writing papers all the time. I have been sick all week and have sounded awful. Anywhos we went to your handbell concert on Wednesday night but that’s really the only time I’ve seen you this week.
BUT it’s Christmas break. I think we’re getting engaged soon, which is crazy since we’ve been talking about this for a while, and now that it’s close I am freaking out.  I am so so nervous. And need to cut my nails. Haha. And I need to look cute all the time too. Goodness.

This picture is from Ben & Anna’s wedding last month. I just think it is super cute.

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Fall Break- Sunday

We didn’t go to church this morning. Instead, we took pictures with your family and then hung out at their house and played games and ate a big breakfast. Your dad didn’t know what to refer to me as. It was pretty hilarious.

In the afternoon (after playing Ticket to Ride), you and I went shopping with your parents. You found so many pairs of shoes that you wanted! It was a huge blessing! And your mom & dad bought me a set of purple silverware (which I really needed) and a floral travel mug. Then they took us to get Frozen Yogurt… and your mom said “thank you for loving our son” and got teared up. We talked about our wedding ideas with them, and it was SO happy and SO… easy.
Your parents told me they loved me as I said goodbye, and it really left me feeling so blessed and so overwhelmed. I love your family. And they are such an answer to my prayers.

Look how cute you guys are!!

On the ride home, we talked the entire time. We got home really late (like 12:30 or something), but ahh what quality conversation we had! We started going through the book “101 questions to ask before you get engaged.” Super awesome.

Fall Break- Saturday

Your parents were in favor of our plan. That makes my heart burst with excitement. Today you spent the day with your grandparents and Chris & Katie at an ODU game [y’all lost and it was sad. You returned like a bunch of kids that just got their bikes stolen.] I spent the day with your mom, Kaity, Sophie, Grace and Bella (and Aaron but he doesn’t talk to me). We went to Chick-fil-a for lunch, and spent the afternoon talking and cooking.
I am always blown away by the way your family recieves me. They are soo loving to me, it overwhelmes me and usually makes me cry. I spent a long time at the dinner table with your mom and dad talking about my future plans– NC State– and they listened so carefully. I felt SO loved and cared about.
It is such a blessing to me that your family loves and accepts me. And that they are excited for us.

Fall Break- Friday

Today we talked about naming our future kids while we walked on the boardwalk at Virginia Beach. We also took a kissy picture. (Got to admit, we are adorable…)

I am so excited about our future together, and stoked to raise Autumn and Caleb with you. You are going to be SUCH an awesome dad.

We had lunch with your friends– Catherine & Rachel– and spent the day playing games and hanging out with your family. Your grandpa wants to know our future plans.
In the evening, I babysat Grace & Bella. We had so much fun!! We played horses for HOURS. Seriously. Anyway, I babysat the girls so you could go out to dinner with your parents and tell them we’re planning TO GET MARRIED! I prayed for that conversation non-stop.