What’s Next?

I’m going to be honest: I don’t know how to follow up a post where I bore my heart and soul on the internet, divulging my deepest battle. (That’s why it’s been a solid month since my last post.) Honestly, I thought I understood depression until I experienced it… I think it’s difficult to imagine what depression is like, and I think it’s often difficult to express and explain it when you are experiencing it. I also think there is a reason that within 24 hours it became the most-read post I’ve ever published, and even though I was shaking for 24 hours, seeing the number of readers climb, I am confident that I have experienced this for a reason. Thank you to those who have affirmed my bravery for posting. Thank you for those who have read, shared, and sent me messages with your stories. I’m sure this will not be my last post on this topic… I have more to share.

How am I doing now? The nights are still sometimes scary, and the days sometimes bleak as well. Every once in a while, I have a day of sobbing. My eyelids are red and swollen, my ears ache from blowing my nose too hard. My nose is rubbed raw from countless tissues, and my heart is breaking. I don’t have something specific to attribute this to. I don’t know how to “fix” it. What I do know, is that these kind of days are filled with relentless pain. It feels so trivial to share recipes and weekend happenings when I feel I don’t know myself anymore. I battle fatigue on a daily basis and I find it most difficult to take care of myself, because I feel that is expected last. Hopefully this helps explain my lack-of-blogging… I know I have things to share, I just don’t feel like sharing. I sit down to write and often struggle to compose something that doesn’t sound like it was penned by Eeyore.

However, a lot has happened in the last month… a lot of GOOD, happy things. So, to catch you up: the craft sale went wonderfully. Josh and I had a lot of fun, and it was a great success. We’re so thankful for the extra money, and I had a blast preparing for it as well. I made some custom boy aprons (car and truck print, super cute!), and just delivered those yesterday. So, a month and a half later, the craft sale is officially behind us.

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In the last few weeks we have seen the new Peanuts movie, The Martian, I finally watched Pitch Perfect (the first one), and we saw Maze Runner the Scorch Trials… which ended up being a pseudo zombie movie which I did NOT appreciate.

We went to see my family in Columbia and got to go to my brother’s musical, Shrek. They are some of my favorite people and we always leave so encouraged.

I threw a baby shower for one of my dear friends, Halley, and finally finished a baby blanket for her sweet girl! The blanket isn’t perfect, but I had so much fun making it and covering that precious family in prayer. They’re actually moving away this week and I am SO sad!
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We had our best friends Phil, Elise, and Joseph over for a weekend. That was such a highlight for me. We got to spend hours playing with Joseph, cooking, and playing board games. I am so incredibly thankful they were able to come see us for a weekend, and it was so much fun to have a little person in our house. 🙂 (Even if he didn’t want to sleep. It’s clearly because he wanted to hang out with Aunt Deborah. I mean CLEARLY.)

Thanksgiving was spent in Virginia Beach with Josh’s family. I made the stuffing and a Pumpkin Cheesecake. I was SO worried about the stuffing, but it was amazing. I did my Black Friday shopping online… stocked up on some sweaters and such. Target, Old Navy and ThredUp have served me well! Our Thanksgiving visit was pretty short, because Aaron had to work until 5 am on Thursday, and had another shift starting at 2 on Saturday. We were so thankful though, because Aaron got to spend the holiday with his family, AND he is employed. He is doing really well, and has been getting a lot of hours.

For those that don’t follow me on Instagram, Josh has planned 8 “super special date nights.” The first was themed my “favorite things.” We got Chickfila and watched The Sound of Music, which we didn’t own so Josh bought it! AND Chickfila’s Peppermint Milkshakes had just come back… which are my favorite. (He is so good at this.)

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The second was a lunch date at Olive Garden!

The third, he took me to see The Sound of Music Broadway play, and we went out to a nice Mediterranean restaurant for dinner. Lobster Ravioli and a musical? YES.

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The fourth, Josh made me dinner and we watched Rudolph. Then, we drove around the neighborhoods around us listening to Christmas music and looking at Christmas lights.

This week, for the fifth date, we are going to a place called Lafayette Village. We’re going to have come crepes, walk around, and see some more Christmas lights!

Next week we are heading to Myrtle Beach for our anniversary trip. I am SO excited. We try to go away twice a year, which has become even more important since we are sharing our house with Aaron. I look forward to these trips… a chance to escape, rest, and have some fun together. We got a SUPER awesome hotel deal, so we are able to stay for 4 nights! There are a few things we’re planning on doing- walking on the beach, seeing the Hunger Games, going to the aquarium, watching movies, and reading.

After the beach, we’re heading to Columbia to spend Christmas with my family. We’re super excited because this is Josh’s first Christmas with the Crutchfields! I think he is most excited about the Christmas Eve book tradition. 😉

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So, that’s what has been going on with us. Lots of travel, lots of social stuff, LOTS of sewing, and we’re ready for some rest… and some Star Wars. I can’t believe I wrote an entire post without saying that WE ARE GOING TO SEE THE NEW MOVIE ON THURSDAY. AHHH!!!!!

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