Closed Doors

Unfortunately, the place we applied to last week fell through. In one sense, I am relieved because the kitchen was tiny, filthy, and like my worst culinary nightmare. We have called a ton of places, which my wonderful husband has taken point on, and we’re making some progress. Meanwhile, I’m trying to limit the number of searches I do per day. It is SO easy to become obsessive and hysterical because we’re not finding a place as quickly as we want. Our moving date has probably been pushed back, which means we may have to face the chaos of moving while Josh is in school… again.

This weekend, I went through a ton of our stuff and purged things we don’t need. Of course… I was picturing us living in the apartment that had almost NO closet space, so that was a great motivation. Nevertheless, I am not sorry I purged. I am not sorry I spent a day scanning college notes so that I could throw out the heavy binders. I am not sorry that Aaron and I watched Downton Abbey all day. It was a good weekend, I kept busy, but it was also a hard weekend. I missed Josh. I needed him here, and I needed to process all the thoughts/emotions/struggles, but he couldn’t be here.

There are things to be thankful for. I am getting a huge bonus from work, which will definitely cover our moving costs, the loan payment we wanted to make, and any application fees. I got rid of a ton of stuff that we didn’t need and now we don’t have to carry it! We are going to the beach next weekend. There will be a break, and there will be rest. The raises I have gotten since Aaron moved in mean that we can afford to pay a higher rent. We are in a better financial position now than December.

I am seriously so thankful for my job. My boss has been so understanding and so compassionate about our housing crisis, and I’ve been able to leave work early to look at places. Yesterday we knocked out a lot of options, and also found one that we really like… we’re going to view it tomorrow. It’s a little further out than we wanted, but it seems like a really really good situation.

 

Dear Josh,

This process has been such a challenge. This YEAR has been such a challenge. As you know, I’ve been struggling to see the positives, and the ways God has provided. It has been so easy to focus on the challenges of the past few months (years). Thank you for listening to all my processing, for holding me in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep, and for taking point on contacting people about rentals. I love you, and I don’t understand why we have to move, but I’m trying to view it as an opportunity to trust God together, and learn to follow where He leads. Forgive me, and lovingly correct me, when I lose perspective.

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