I Struggle With Forward Motion*

Getting behind and catching back up again… this has been the story of my week. I have struggled to keep up, and found it impossible to get ahead. We’re leaving for vacation in 8 days.
8. DAYS.

In the last week, a lot has happened. In the last week, there have been a lot of changes, tears, opportunities, and excitement. In the last week, I have struggled to keep up… and that’s not such a bad thing. My attitude has been the bad thing… sub-par doesn’t even begin to describe. I have been so frustrated at the state of my house… and my lack of control over it. Frustrated that my knees are burning again from walking in place.

This weekend holds a lengthy to-do list. Several meals to prepare, bread to bake, salsa to blend, rooms to clean, things to pack, clothes to wash, a baby blanket to finish. I feel defeated and I have not even begun.

This week has held so much good… getting together with friends, date nights, buying the groceries we need, washing the clothes that we have, packing nutritious lunches… how does that so quickly fade into the background? Why is it so easy to recount the disappointments and frustrations? I’ve been struggling this week… especially to write. I deleted about 5 started posts because I didn’t know what to say. So, here’s the truth: I’m struggling. This week, I didn’t/don’t want to serve the people living in my house. This week things have seemed so unfair. I have taken out frustration by walking, and now my knees are screaming… so I am left sitting in God’s presence, asking Him to fix my attitude and to mend my heart.

How much time have I wasted complaining or crying this week? Have you done the same? Let’s make a different choice moving forward (or sitting still as I am temporarily forced to do).

So there’s the classic Deborah processing. This week has been so very full. Full of talks about the future, and Josh is applying for a job that would be double the pay… and give him some serious ammo for future employment. Right now, Josh is wrapping up his semester and is a little bogged down in papers and studying for exams. I know he will pass with flying colors, but I also TOTALLY get the stress of semester ending.
We visited my family last weekend, which was so refreshing and fun. My mom is one of my favorite people in this world… and I got to spend so much time with her. (And we made mango margaritas… which are my favorite!) One of the most exciting things about the weekend was getting to see my brother in his high school production, Grease! He didn’t have a major role, but it was so fun seeing him enjoy the experience, and talk about it.
My dream of getting my Master’s degree has been rekindled, which is exciting and terrifying, and we’re exploring options. I wouldn’t start a program anytime soon (probably 2 years out), but it’s still exciting.
At work, I am trying to get ahead so that nothing falls through the cracks while I’m on vacation. That involves MANY invoices to be processed (both from vendors, and to customers), billing documents to be prepared, bills to be paid, and office supplies to be stocked. This week is going to be a marathon of nursery duty, providing meals, babysitting, and packing… but at the end of that (and a 9-10 hour drive), we get to be at Mickey’s house.

I am now a member of Carolina Blogging! Check it out the new website, which just launched today!!! Also, don’t forget that I have a page on Facebook for my blog now… you can stop by and “like” it, and request to receive notifications so you never miss a post.

 *Blog title is referencing “Forward Motion” by Relient K… find it here.

Dear Josh,

This week has held so much, and I’m left feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. I’m sorry for the ways I’ve hurt you through my words and frustration. Thank you for doing all the shopping for this week, and for our vacation. I’m so thankful for the ways you have served me this week- shopping, cleaning, preparing lunches, and all the other things you do that I fail to thank you for. Can’t wait for Disney.

signature.bird

 

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