Early Sunday Morning:
I am lying awake at 4:30am listening to the rain on our roof. Yes, I wish I was sleeping but I’ve tried to go back to sleep with no success. There’s so much to think about… but thank goodness I’m not laying awake thinking about work again. (Thursday night I got only a few hours of sleep because I was awake, stressing out over work and a bunch of added responsibilities.)
I’m thinking about the people living under this roof and how thankful I am for them. I’m thinking about what a blessing this very house is. I’m thinking about what has happened this weekend and how much fun it has been… I expected it to be hard, not this much fun.
Laying here, I’m finding it hard to view our new living arrangement as a sacrificed though it is, and I’m sure tomorrow I will feel much differently. It’s different but not horrible. It’s new but not impossible. Yes, there are going to be challenges. Yes, there are going to be times I want to give up. But in the middle of the night right now I’m overwhelmed by my awesome God and how He uses people to bring him glory… if our obedience brings God glory than that’s what matters. Josh and I are not completely selfless… when Aaron pulled up I was drying years shed because of my intense selfishness. We’re not perfect, but we’ve followed God’s call on this season of our life.
It’s fitting that it’s raining because all I can think is “God please water my thirsty soul.” I pray that all three of us are made to be more like Christ as we live together… and I pray we love each other like Christ as we grow.
“Happy” Monday. Mine started way to early with a staff meeting. We’ve enjoyed a weekend of good food – baked oatmeal, baked pasta, chili and a pizza ring, a new game- kingdom builders, and movies- Guardians of the Galaxy & How to Train Your Dragon 2 (watching tonight). Also, I wanted a good smoothie but Tropical Smoothie is like 25 minutes away… so we tried Starbucks Orange Mango smoothies. We were NOT impressed. Where do you go for a good smoothie? (Yes, I know how to make them but sometimes you just don’t want to have to make everything yourself.)
This weekend has been the beginning of a transition. Transitions are funny things- depending on how to look at them, they can be difficult, challenging things, or they can be fun, joyful changes. So I continue to ride that roller coaster of difficult and fun changes. But, no matter how frustrated I may get or how invaded I may feel at times, I know that this is good and I know that we’re doing what we’re supposed to be doing.
Yesterday the sermon was about finding God’s will, and making decisions. After the service, we (Josh, Aaron and I) were talking about the biggest decisions we think we need to make this year. For Josh and I, the decision is what to do next Spring after Josh graduates. Through discussion, we realized the three of us have already made a huge decision for 2015, and that’s the move that happened this weekend. (That thirsty soul I mentioned above? So watered by our corporate worship. How refreshing to take my eyes of myself, my feelings, needs, and selfishness, and focus on God’s goodness, mercy, and redemption.)
I have my annual review at work this week, which is good timing. I’m excited to see what happens.
I am really feeling the need for introverted time recently… and trying to be ok with asking for it, and then following through on protecting it. Sometimes it’s hard to say what you need… I tend to see things that need to be done as “needs,” and diminish my “need” to lay on the bed staring at the ceiling processing my day. This is something I’ve been working on.
Sometimes I need to watch a tv show, walk in place to get my steps in, and not feel bad about it.
Right now, I am obsessed with the Spotify playlist “Totally Stress Free”… because I want to be just that: totally stress free.
Thanks for being strong when I’m weak. Thanks for affirming me. Thanks for leading us.
I know this is a year of unknowns, and that yesterday’s sermon was really timely for us. I know that there are going to be a lot of things we need to figure out this year. I get really overwhelmed if I focus on all the decisions that need to be made.
So instead I’m choosing to focus on the facts that we found the perfect desk for Aaron, that the sun is shining today, that I get to come home to you, and that I have already made dinner for most of this week.
I’m proud to be your wife… and I’m looking forward to kicking your butt in Kingdom Builders again.
Love, Mrs. Cornelissen
*Only Mondays get me down. I love rainy days! But hey it’s a song title ok? I was trying to be clever.