This weekend didn’t happen exactly like I thought it would. Friday night we didn’t eat a nicely put together meal like I envisioned. We watched Alias and Parks and Rec. I felt wiped out from a long week.
Saturday we went across the street to the SEBTS yard sale (got a book Josh has been wanting, some movies, and a hanging shelf for our games-update: it doesn’t actually fit in our closets… so maybe one day we can use it!). Then we were having so much fun we kept yardsaling. We even stumbled across a new donut heaven- Daylight Donuts- it is like the Main Street Grille but EMPTY. Seriously, Wake Forest has donuts figured out. I’m not sure we’ll ever go back to Dunkin Donuts or Krispy Kreme. Buttermilk donuts have changed our lives (another example why Josh deemed it critical for me to get new walking shoes). We weren’t terribly successful in our yard saling… I got a pair of Danskos, but that’s really about it.
inhaled “calmy enjoyed” our donuts (and went to about 10 yard sales), we realized two things: (1) we needed to eat something more substantial, and (2) we may as well go shoe shopping while we were out.
So we got Chick-fil-a biscuits and headed to Dick’s Sporting Goods.
As I have mentioned before, shoe shopping is actually a difficult task for me. (And being confronted with a display wall of neon colored tennis shoes, as well as 15 rows didn’t make it easier… lets say someone got a little panicked.) Somehow Josh found the perfect shoes for me, in fact he found TWO perfect pairs. And he made me get both so I feel spoiled. (And a fellow shopper laughed when I exclaimed, with a little bit of disgust, “Josh, explain to me how YOU found the perfect shoes for me, and all the ones I tried were awful. That’s just obnoxious! …. thank you.”)
After another discombobulated meal, Josh went to do his homework, and I actually folded the entire pile of clothes in my room (on Sunday they actually got put into drawers.) Then I spent a LONG time looking at local rentals. We drove by a few, and had a really long conversation/meltdown/getting-on-the-same-page session.
We found this house, and I just think it’s adorable. However, it’s at the top of our budget, involves a lot of upkeep responsibility and doing a lot of maintenance (for goodness sake we’re renters not home owners), and I wasn’t wild about all the agreement I read… it really looked for every possible chance to blame the renters for problems and protected the owners of the house. So, even though it looks perfect we have to pass. Growing up. Making the hard choices.
Josh and I have been living in a 575 square ft apartment. While that may seem small, I have LOVED it. My only complaint is that I am out of wall space to hang things. If that’s my biggest complaint in life, I think I’m doing ok.
I’m a pretty sappy, sentimental person… and the thought of moving out of our first little home is sad.
This is the place we had our first Christmas… the place I’ve decorated, made extremely functional, the place we’ve hosted friends and family, my safe-haven at the end of every long and difficult day, the place we got snowed in for days and we drove ourselves crazy singing songs from Frozen even though we hadn’t seen it yet… the place I lit my first dish towel on fire (that was like last week), made my first (and only, honestly) miserable failure of a meal… the place we’ve had all our major fights, and made up again. This tiny place has seen us through it all. And it’s sad to leave the closets. I mean the apartment, as a whole. (But the closets are amazing.)
For many reasons, we have decided to move.
-We have free wifi- but the campus internet stinks.
-If we have 4 people over, it’s hard to breathe, and forget moving. We had my family (5 people + me and Josh + my grandparents over, total= 9 people) and it felt like those times we used to take all piled into the van when the boys got big and we all felt claustrophobic and wanted to kill each other…. on the way to church. Just kidding, I meant roadtrips…. but we did fight a lot on the way to church too. Rabbit trail. What was I talking about?
-My oven is big enough for ONE pan- unless I take that small round one, and the small square one, and put them in JUST RIGHT.
-I am convinced our upstairs neighbors are elephants.
-We have enough space for 2 people to stay with us, on the sleeper sofa… which works, as long as we have cleaned the apartment spotless so that we can fit the coffee table between the closet door and the armchair in our bedroom in front of the 3 bookshelves.
Isolated, these reasons are almost insignificant. But combine the qualities of my extraverted husband (I call him Mr. Social) and my love for feeding people and hosting (I didn’t know I was so into hospitality), and we have outgrown this tiny little place with our big love for people.
I am a seasoned hunter.
Clothes. Deals. Recipes. Perfect gifts.
Did you think I was talking about animals? Gross.
But I’ve never hunted for a place to live.
There are so many things to consider.
The cost of the move, increased rent, location, apartment/townhome/house?, 2 bedrooms? 3?, would living by the train tracks really be that bad?, when do we start inquiring?, what if we don’t find a place?
It is overwhelming.
Saturday night was pretty intense. I had a bad dream, and was up for a couple of hours, scared, crying, worried that we wouldn’t be able to find a place, that I’m not capable of doing this… and my sweet husband sat up with me and reminded me that we’ve only been married for 9 months- that I need to give myself some grace, and that we’re a team. He did such a good job of calming all my fears.
Unfortunately it continued into Sunday.
I’ve been struggling a lot with fear and anxiety, especially this weekend. All weekend, I felt under attack- all my fears, insecurities, etc seemed to come up. In the middle of the night, I remembered a song I grew up hearing by Steve Green. “When I am afraid, I will trust in you, I will trust in you, I will trust in you… when I am afraid I will trust in you, in God whose word I praise.” It is so easy to focus on how hard this is, and how unprepared I feel. I’m trying to focus, instead, on how BIG God is, and how able He is to handle this.
I am so glad I don’t have to do any of this by myself. I’m so thankful for the year we’ve had in our tiny apartment, and I’m also thankful that we’re outgrowing it because of our love for people. I think every couple should have to live in such a tiny space starting out… it has been such a good team building exercise for us- and I’m glad we’ve learned to respect each other’s space while sharing such close quarters.
I’m thankful that we haven’t stretched our finances during our first year of marriage by living in a bigger place. Our apartment has been such a blessing, with the fixed rent. Although moving is scary, we’ve already started learning how to trust God to provide for all our needs, and we have always had what we needed- even in times of unemployment, a totaled car, and times of sorrow. Thank you for giving me grace and reminding me that we’re still learning how to do life together. Yes, there have been a lot of life-changes this year, and I went to living with my family to being on our own. That’s a big deal, and most days I feel I’m not doing a good job. Keep telling me I’m doing a good job… and keep working with me to improve our communication and team vision.
I love you. Thanks for being on the greatest adventure- LIFE- with me.
Love, Mrs. Cornelissen